For Jonathan

(This is an email I sent in response to an ad on Craig's List. The person I sent it to was nameless and faceless. It was really written to Jonathan.)

I'm responding to your CL ad against my better judgement.  I'm smart, pretty, openminded, like working with my hands (blah,blah,blah). 

Here's the thing: I tend to fall for the tough, retiring introvert-guy.  You know, the guy who--at heart--really wants to just hike away and disappear forever into the wilderness.  He's typically a bit of a cynic, distrustful of society and prefers the company of his dog over most people.  The disparity between his ideal and the real world is painful for him.  He occasionally ventures out into the world because he misses the company of a woman.  He's had long spans of time in the wilderness to think about women--or, I should say a particular kind of woman.  A woman he's never really met, but dreams about.  He misses this woman's soft curves, the sound of her voice, her lively intelligence, her sweet vulnerability, her strong willfulness, her gentle touch and her ability to roll with grace into life's punches.  He wanders out of the wilderness and puts a tentative ad on CL hoping the Universe will place her in his path.

I, of course, feel like I can change his distrust and cynicism and that I can be the woman he dreams of.  All I have to do is show him the good in the world and the people who inhabit it.  Being the irrepressibly upbeat, optimist that I am, I believe that positive experiences can shift his paradigm.  I eventually realize that his pessimism and cynicism is an integral part of who he is and that there is nothing I can do to make him happy.  

But I've fallen for him.  I love the way he sits quietly, present in the wilderness. I love how he sees beauty in the natural world.  I love the feeling safety I have when I'm with him.  I love his quiet competence.  I love his adventurous soul.  I love the gentleness with which he treats his canine companion.  I love his intelligence.  I love that he's well-read.  I love the way he touches me.  But it just wasn't meant to be.  The difference between us is too great.  We part, I tearfully and he with great pain because he knows that I'm hurt. 

We do eventually reconnect--after I've had time to heal--and we write and talk.  The communication is tinged with regret, but we both know we did the right thing in severing the romantic bond.

If this is you, please don't write back.

He did not write back. But it was a good email and not to be wasted.